is it actually a header or is it a stock manifold? because as far as im aware the only header made for the 2.5 with a egr connection on it is clifford. if its stock manifold, i wouldnt wet the gasket before install, if it is a header and ur using a paper type gasket then i would soak it. the rtv thing im not sure about i havent used it on my exhaust gasket before, but some people swear by it. i just felt that it would burn off sooner or later and leak, since the highest rated rtv is the ultra copper that is rated for 700 F. and headers and manifolds well exceed that temp. the washers need to be curved like that to be able to snug it up, since the intake and header/manifold aren't going to be the same exact thickness. you might get away with using bent washers. but make sure the washers are THICK. also make sure they're torqued to spec. and as for the power steering deal, mine does that same thing, doesn't hurt as long as u line up the bolt holes while ur bolting it to the intake so u dont strip out the aluminum threads, its easy to do. i would leave the egr plate like it was originally, its probably an orfice to meter how much exhaust fumes escape into the engine. GOOD LUCK with keeping your headers from leaking if it is really a header! i had a pair on my xj for a year or so and went through 3 gaskets. they are a real pain to keep sealed. i finally got fed up with it and put the stock manifold back on. hope this helps