Topic: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread

[sharpxmen]

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOKOKAY – LET’S BEGIN;

1.Make sure your Recycle Bin is empty
2. Open a new file in your computer.
3. Name it 'Barrack Obama'.
4. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
5. Empty the Recycle Bin.
6. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barrack Obama?'
7. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
8. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi

make sure it's not read only like W or you'll need to format the drive

[95yjman]

lol thats some funny stuff right there!

[BigCountry]

here's one.

an irish guy walks out of a pub...

[Jesse-James]

[WranglerCOdy]

what did the elephant say to the naked man...




















how do you breath outta that little thing.

[Jesse-James]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break? He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him an idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.... The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote..
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age

[Mozman68]

Okay...I like that one!   

[BigCountry]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break? He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him an idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.... The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote..
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age

that is beyond hilarious!     

[Jesse-James]

[Mozman68]

Grow a pair....click on the video of the doctor and patient.

http://natebloch.com/

[Jesse-James]

 

[sharpxmen]

Grow a pair....click on the video of the doctor and patient.

http://natebloch.com/

hilarious

[CliffB]

That there is funny.......I don't care who you are!

[TrailsLessTaken]

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends..so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. I was not familiar with the backwoods and got lost among the back roads. I arrived an hour late & saw that the funeral director was gone and the hearse was no where in sight. Only the diggers and crew were left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played my heart out like never before for this man with no family or friends. As I played "Amazing Grace" the workers began to weep. We all wept together. Then I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, " I never seen nothin' like that before and I have been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.

[b.hog]

 A young cowboy is hired to take some cattle across state lines.Being his first job he plans his route and takes a dry run to learn the surroundings.A day and a half into his trip he comes across an indian standing on a giant boulder,loin cloth to the side,with a giant diamond cutter hard-on,staring at the ground.

  " Indian,what the hell you doin?" asks the young cowboy amazed.

  "Me tell um time" said the Indian.

  Cowboy thinks bull-shit but has heard some wild Indian storys so he asks "Oh ya Indian,what time is it?"

 Indian looks back to the ground and replies "T'sum 1 and 30" . The cowboy looks at his pocket watch,and is amazed , Indian is dead on.
 The cowboy heads on and reaches his destination with no problems to turn back and do it all over.On his way back he comes across the Indian again , same spot doing the same thing.
"Hey Indian what time is it?"