Author Topic: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread  (Read 24218 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

jcsanders79

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #120 on: November 13, 2008, 07:36:59 AM »
Damn I'd like to get some of that spread but I don't qualify!!!  I got a job and would be willing to purchase it, automatic disqualifications.  Its only given away to the lazy from what I understand!

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #121 on: November 13, 2008, 08:05:08 AM »
Its only given away to the lazy from what I understand!

Right next to the government cheese. 

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #122 on: November 19, 2008, 06:31:54 AM »
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
Paul."

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with
Mommy, Right now."

Brief Pause.


"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put
the phone down on the
table, run upstairs And knock on the bedroom door
and shout to Mommy that
Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay, Daddy, Just a minute."

A few minutes later The little girl comes back to
the phone.

"I did it, Daddy."

"And what happened, honey?" He asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed With
no clothes on and
ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser And now
she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.

He was all scared and he jumped out of the back
window And into the
swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you
took out the water Last
week to clean it.

He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's
dead."

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? ............

Is this 486-5731?"

No, I think you have the wrong number....... :wine:

Offline chardrc

  • Member
  • Posts: 3535
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #123 on: November 19, 2008, 04:29:54 PM »
 :roflol: :roflol:
1990 YJ 4cly, ax5, 2.5 inch BDS lift, 31 MTr\'s,  Powertrax-lockers all around, track-bars removed, boomerang shackles, warn m8000 winch, electric fan. [sold but not forgotten]

2007 jk Rubicon 2dr

Offline Jeffy

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 14934
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #124 on: November 21, 2008, 12:41:43 PM »
The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your
girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e.,
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs
about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,
orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?'
with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of
story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:

* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you
still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the
ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'


I hope this clears up any confusion.

The International Council of Man Laws
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNlr60GXH5OlKIFrT7P6mg
My Jeep: http://4bangerjp.com/forums/index.php?topic=2783.0
"If the motor car were invented today, there is absolutely no way that any government in the world would let normal members of the public drive one."

TrailsLessTaken

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #125 on: November 21, 2008, 06:47:22 PM »
#27 I think is my favorite  :lol:

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #126 on: February 13, 2009, 01:53:14 PM »
Borderline NSFW

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/BQALeeHWJyE&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/BQALeeHWJyE&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1</a>


« Last Edit: February 13, 2009, 01:55:48 PM by Jesse-James »

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #127 on: March 03, 2009, 06:56:29 PM »
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/QwpV7Synl9g&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/QwpV7Synl9g&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1</a>


streetmaster

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #128 on: March 06, 2009, 08:37:50 PM »
Why did'nt Broom Hilda whare underpants?

To get a better grip on her broom.  :roflol:

jcsanders79

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #129 on: March 06, 2009, 10:10:23 PM »
JJ, love the dog video link.  Mine twitch and run but not that much!!!  If they ever did the chances of me getting it on video would be dismal.

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #130 on: March 07, 2009, 09:24:17 AM »
Not supposed to be a joke, but I LOL'd!


Big dumb mud truck should have been built with seat belts.


Offline chardrc

  • Member
  • Posts: 3535
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #131 on: March 07, 2009, 02:22:42 PM »
lol a seat belt would have saved all his problems.. except that big "pot hole" lol
« Last Edit: March 07, 2009, 02:22:58 PM by chardrc »
1990 YJ 4cly, ax5, 2.5 inch BDS lift, 31 MTr\'s,  Powertrax-lockers all around, track-bars removed, boomerang shackles, warn m8000 winch, electric fan. [sold but not forgotten]

2007 jk Rubicon 2dr

Offline jfrabat

  • Gargantuan Mango Tree Mechanic®
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3676
  • Finally USING the Jeep!
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #132 on: March 12, 2009, 12:14:15 PM »
Not supposed to be a joke, but I LOL'd!


Big dumb mud truck should have been built with seat belts.



Dude, that was not funny; it was scary!  Now, I know it was not smart of him to (1) not wear a seatbealt and (2) try to go out the window like that (not sure he did it on purpose), but that was scary!
'94 YJ 2.5L with 4" RE lift, Superwinch EPi9.0, FoMoCo e-Fan, SD30 and SD35 w/ARB-5.13, 165A alt., 33" BFG KM2 on 15" AR wheels, Sony sound system, Pavement Ends Hardtop, Hydroboost

Offline Jeffy

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 14934
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #133 on: March 18, 2009, 05:28:04 PM »
Something as simple as rolling his window up could have saved him from his mud bath.  :confused:
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNlr60GXH5OlKIFrT7P6mg
My Jeep: http://4bangerjp.com/forums/index.php?topic=2783.0
"If the motor car were invented today, there is absolutely no way that any government in the world would let normal members of the public drive one."

Jesse-James

  • Guest
Re: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread
« Reply #134 on: March 27, 2009, 04:44:18 PM »

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says:
"Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, and I got one for the Speaker of The House, Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir."