Topic: Official 4BangerJP Joke Thread

[Jesse-James]

The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress,"the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"It needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

[Jesse-James]

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up, fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him
about his father.

My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes
in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go
out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask
him, Is that really true about your father?

No, said David, He plays for the Oakland Raiders but I was too embarrassed
to say that in front of the other kids.

[Enjoi]

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up, fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him
about his father.

My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes
in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go
out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask
him, Is that really true about your father?

No, said David, He plays for the Oakland Raiders but I was too embarrassed
to say that in front of the other kids.

  smitten!!!! 

[chardrc]

lol thats great... 

[Jesse-James]

smitten!!!! 

Mind telling us why you want to start a smite war over a joke?

[jcsanders79]

Could it be because he is an exotic dancer in a gay bar or worse he hails out of Oakland

[Enjoi]

lol thought it was obvious dont hail out of oakland but am a raider fan    sorry for my lack of explanation but i am a raider fan and i dunt talk so gud. 

[Jesse-James]

Posting And You...

[Elyod]

Uh... This is a joke thread.  I don't think his joke was an expression of an opinion so much as an attempt to tell a funny story.  This is the "joke thread" I suggest you don't come here anymore if your feelings are easily hurt.

[Liljeepz]

Posting And You...

"Applaud" +1 for that post!
Even things out!

[chardrc]

Uh... This is a joke thread.  I don't think his joke was an expression of an opinion so much as an attempt to tell a funny story.  This is the "joke thread" I suggest you don't come here anymore if your feelings are easily hurt.

ow no not another flame war... last time this happened we lost our editing privileges and the stats page.

[Elyod]

Good call.  Sorry if I seemed on edge.  I like jokes as long as they stay jokes.

[gomi]

A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. “You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!”
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, “Did you do what I told you to do?”

“Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!” she shouts.

The owner, looking confused, replies, “It’s a perfectly trained frog. I can’t understand what’s wrong.”

He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.

“What?” she shouts.

Turning to the frog, he says, “Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I’m showing you this!”

[Mozman68]

Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this. 

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean. 

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."

[Mozman68]

After an hour of fishing, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex," and she said, 'Wear sun-block.' "